It’s been an odd and rough couple of weeks. To be honest, it hasn’t been the best start to 2024. A lot of little different issues are weighing me down and stressing me in ways I need to figure out.
I thought this Lent would be an abstinence from Social Media and a time for self-reflection. A litany of professional, personal, and health issues all saw otherwise to that.
Jo Walton wrote a wonderful novel called Lentabout a Dominican Friar’s past and struggles with his demons. It’s a wonderful story and allegory about the demons we keep, the demons that define us, and how we either deal with or overcome our demons. It wasn’t the theological fantasy I expected, but in some respects, it was far better.
At 51 years old, I’m still wrestling with my demons. I either ignore them, entertain them, or try to live with them and overcome them.
This last week taught me about the “company that I keep” and my priorities. I need to acknowledge, cherish, and attend both.
My priorities, in order of importance are now:
Family, first and foremost. Family is paramount.
My ongoing educationand self-betterment.
Gaming. Role Playing Games, Open World, and various fast-paced action games all allow me to decompress, enjoy my time, and to reflect on things different.
Reading. I need to watch TV less, stream less and choose what it is a stream, and read more.
Streaming. Anime, Science Fiction, and Fantasy/Horror are my favorite genres in streamed entertainment.
So I will be mindful and cognizant of my time, my company, and my priorities. I hope this brings me some measure of peace and self-improvement?
Ken, Sachiko, ToshiroSachko and ToshiroSachko and Toshiro
Thank you for meeting with the team yesterday and for your thorough explanation of many issues facing both our team and Teaching Strategies. I also wanted to thank you for extending the offer to continue the conversation as a 1:1.
Now 51 years old with a career in IT spanning back to working as an Electrical Engineering Intern (who oddly focused on AutoCAD 10 and VAX/VMS) in 1990, I’ve worked in all sectors from military service, cleared government contracting, large corporations, consulting, government agencies, and now the rise of an Early Childhood Education company from a small business to mid-sized corporation.
Having previously worked as a Senior and later Principal Engineer at government agencies, Comcast and NOAA, I am familiar with longer hours and higher-stress environments. I honestly don’t believe Teaching Strategies to be as grueling or high-stress as a Secure Compartmentalized Information Facility (SCIF) or a large corporation.
Due to my cancer diagnosis in 2018, three years of treatment, and the lingering effects of chemo suppression and radiation, I stepped back from working with the caliber and temperament of a Principal Engineer. In joining Teaching Strategies, I worked for over two years in a reduced capacity at 32 hours/week (with a commensurate drop in salary to reflect 80% rather than 100% of the offered salary). I am sure you recall our previous ADA agreement between you, May, Jonathan, Peter, and Bill. I am grateful to you and Teaching Strategies for allowing me to work while also focusing on my health and continued recovery from Stage 4 Mantle Cell Lymphoma.
With my improving health and personal desire to “do more, be better” in my career, I ended my ADA request over a year ago and returned to full-time employment. I was hoping over the past year, through demonstrable improvement in the quantity and quality of my work, that I would be an asset and of service to Teaching Strategies. I also wanted to continue in my career with the goal of working at the caliber and title of Principal Engineer or Technical Team Lead.
In light of yesterday’s conversations, I’m not sure what external benchmarks exist for me to measure myself against or what self-improvement opportunities exist to allow me to continue and advance in my career. I gave it a large amount of thought and discussed it with my wife.
I will return to the University of Maryland this semester to complete my Master of Science Degree in either Computer Science or Information Systems.
I will take full advantage of Teaching Strategies’ generous offers of learning opportunities and training, such as LinkedIn Learning.
I will earnestly and diligently strive to become the best possible Site Reliability Engineer I can be, either with the resources provided or actively seeking out resources with which to better myself.
I will attempt to prove the quality and quantity of my work to Teaching Strategies.
As always, my thanks, Leon. Today’s skip-level is no longer necessary. I will focus solely on my education and my continued betterment as a Site Reliability Engineer.
Toshiro and Sachiko at Christmas (2023)Victoria and Ken celebrating Christmas (with Brad and Chris at Nattering Springs)Together as Family at Christmas (2023)
Immersive Language Learning would certainly be the fastest and best way to learn a new language and culture.
As much as I want to enroll in Immersive Language Learning to fully learn spoken and written Japanese from native Japanese speakers using daily lessons, conversations, writing, and reading, it’s $600 USD after 60% off.
If it were Amazon Web Services (AWS) or Google Compute Platform (GCP), my employer would readily agree and approve it. Given that I’d like to achieve Japanese fluency just for my own interesting, I’d likely have to do this out-of-pocket.
Ken, Toshiro, and Sachiko during our morning walkies.
Sachiko talking to Ken as Toshiro listens
Sachiko and Toshiro as the leaves begin to fall after a mild summer and start of autumn
Sachiko and Toshiro as the leaves begin to fall after a mild summer and start of autumn
I was ecstatic to see 57.5°F on the outdoor thermometer this morning as we left before sunrise on our morning walkies.
As we walked along the woods of Sugarland Run, both Toshirō and Sachiko stopped abruptly and stared intently at the edge of the woods. It was so sudden and so intent that it scared me a little, so I stopped to see what they were staring at.
There was a majestic red fox standing underneath the trees just watching us. He was probably only four or five feet away from us, but showed no fear whatsoever of our two Shelties. He just stood, and then sat, and he watched us.
It made my heart leap in my chest. I’ve never seen so majestic or so sedate a red fox. I wish I could have stayed in that one moment forever.
Sachiko seemed completely smitten with the red fox. Toshiro largely ignored him, just watching.
Leaving for our walks before sunrise or just after sunset really is the best time to watch the wildlife around Loudoun County, Virginia. We’ve been able to see foxes, raccoons, skunks, deer, coyote, and bats during our daily walks.
I seriously need to clip a GoPro to my chest and just let it continuously record our walks, taking the best clips or pictures from each walk? No one would ever believe the red fox we saw today, but it brought tears to my eyes to see it.
VICKY: Yeah, I figured. I didn’t want to say anything.
KEN: I guess I shouldn’t feel so bad. I don’t remember when my grandmother passed. I think it was the mid-1970s, but my memory is hazy. My grandfather and I were close. I knew the password for his computer and several of his financial accounts. Do you know what his password was in 1987?
VICKY: No, what?
KEN: “margeben“, short for Marge & Ben. My grandmother was Marge, short for Margaret. More than 15 years later, he still used her name as a password for his computer and his security.
VICKY: I can see that. We never truly forget the ones we love. Their names and memories live on.
Victoria, Sachiko, Kiyomi, Toshiro (last days together)
Valentines Day marked our last days with AKC Jade Mist Kiyomi (“Kiyomi”). She passed just a week or so later. For details on what happened, feel free to readTogether as Family (Valentine’s Day 2023) and Breaking Hearts. It still hurts me too much to repeat it or discuss it just yet.
AKC JADE MIST KIYOMI (“Kiyomi”) was born May 5th, 2009, to Carol Howell and Heidi Jacobsen of Jade Mist Shetland Sheepdogs in Davidsonville, MD. Kiyomi died on February 24th, 2023, at 9:15 AM, held and comforted by Victoria and Ken.
Vicky and I planned so much to do this Lent as both our personal goals and self-improvement. Both of us had our plans blown apart by the loss of Kiyomi just shy of her 14th birthday. Kiyomi would have celebrated her 14th birthday this May on May fifth. We always called her our “Cinco de Mayo” dog. She truly was like a daughter to us, and we miss her dearly.
In other news, I thought about letting my domain expire and giving up on both this server and website. I’m glad that I didn’t, but I was frustrated and depressed. I really had no interest in maintaining it or updating it. Between the blog and the wiki, it seems to do fairly well, with as many as 1200-1300 visitors each month. As our lives pick up again, carry on, and we have more news/events/tech to share, I’ll start posting more content again.
Working as a DevOps Engineer as my company grows and our team expands, staying active with my Amateur Radio license (K3KBF), reading, and gaming on the Steam Deck have taken most of my time and interest these last few months when not enjoying time together with family. I’ll have more news about Amateur Radio, the Steam Deck, SteamOS, the GPD Win 4 as a likely successor to the first-generation Valve Steam Deck, and other tech in coming posts.
This is basically just a “hey there, I’m still here, still alive” post. Hopefully, I’ll post something more substantive soon.
I’m still here… and, hopefully, you are too?
Here’s a quick “photo dump” of our recent events and news:
Ken and Kiyomi (last days together)
Our Home Office
Springtime with Toshiro and Sachiko
Springtime with Toshiro and Sachiko
Springtime with Toshiro and Sachiko
Sachiko and Toshiro in our Home Office
Ken and Kiyomi (last days together)
Victoria and Kiyomi (last days together)
Ken and Kiyomi (last days together)
Victoria, Sachiko, Kiyomi, Toshiro (last days together)
Victoria, Sachiko, Kiyomi, Toshiro (last days together)
Victoria, Sachiko, Kiyomi, Toshiro (last days together)
Victoria, Sachiko, Kiyomi, Toshiro (last days together)
Who you were, who you are, who you become (the vicious cycle)
Either you own your actions… or you don’t.
Either the past matters… or it doesn’t.
If your thoughts, words, and actions mean anything… anything at all… then they don’t become meaningless just because they happened yesterday rather than today. You own them. They are you.
If you believe the past is the past, then I can punch you in the face, and when you get appropriately mad, I can shrug and ask you “what does it matter? that was all in the past!”
At 50yo, I’m still trying to run away from my past. I’m not so sure it’s working. I woke up having the same nightmare that I had as a teenager.
At some point, you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, declare your values, and push on. No one ever said breaking the cycle was easy.
Unlike the hikikomori, a NEET can enjoy a social life, like going out often and visiting their friends. Though in certain cases, a NEET can also be considered a hikikomori.
A hikikomori is a social recluse–someone who doesn’t willingly venture outside the comfort of their home.
NEET, an acronym for “Not in Education, Employment, or Training”, refers to a person who is unemployed and not receiving an education or vocational training.
NIH argues this is a cultural phenomenon specific to Japan:
I’d disagree. I think social withdrawal and interaction solely through gaming or the internet is also common in the United States and Europe as well as Asia.
From the Article:
A form of severe social withdrawal, called hikikomori, has been frequently described in Japan and is characterized by adolescents and young adults who become recluses in their parents’ homes, unable to work or go to school for months or years. The aim of this study was to review the evidence for hikikomori as a new psychiatric disorder. Electronic and manual literatures searches were used to gather information on social withdrawal and hikikomori, including studies examining case definitions, epidemiology, and diagnosis. A number of recent empiric studies have emerged from Japan. The majority of such cases of hikikomori are classifiable as a variety of existing DSM-IV-TR (or ICD-10) psychiatric disorders. However, a notable subset of cases with substantial psychopathology do not meet criteria for any existing psychiatric disorder. We suggest hikikomori may be considered a culture-bound syndrome and merits further international research into whether it meets accepted criteria as a new psychiatric disorder. Research diagnostic criteria for the condition are proposed.
STUX: It’s kinda crazy to see how big social media platforms just ignore their responsibility in managing content posted by their users 🫢
It feels like it’s more about the discussion of what should be a bar or not instead of actually acting or being clear.
Platforms like Gab and Parler are even worse since they just hold their hands up and push the responsibility to the users. They only remove stuff when it’s in their own face, they don’t care about others.
I want to do it differently. Our rules are clear, and we don’t care about being the biggest platform in the world. We just want a nice community without harassing, spam, and bullying.
We handle a simple general ‘rule’:
Respect is more important than saying whatever you want. Care for each other. 💕
KEN: There’s a number of articles about how being a Facebook Moderator is a soul-sucking job that damages your mental health and results in trauma to your psyche.
Most social media platforms reward views, clicks, and time spent reading/interacting.
Kind and considerate posts don’t attract nearly the attention as divisive or controversial topics. Compassionate comments aren’t nearly as common as enraged ones.
It’s truly a social issue. We need to acknowledge, reward, and recognize kindness rather than rage. We need to encourage compromise rather than controversy.
None of these things have social value in social media. While cute pictures make for good memes, the real time and interaction is spent in rage-posting and comments.
I don’t know how to fix that, but we need to stop rewarding it.
CINCO DE MAYO / KIYOMI’S 13th BIRTHDAY / TONY VERDAN’S FUNERAL
KEN: “Vicky, do you know what tomorrow is?”
VICKY: “Yeah, Kiyomi’s birthday.”
KEN: “Do you know what else tomorrow is?”
VICKY: “Yeah, my Dad’s funeral.”
KEN: “I feel so bad for her. I feel so bad for them both. I would hate to share my birthday with a family member’s funeral, or to have my funeral on someone-I-love’s birthday.”
Hello everyone. I’m Victoria. I’m Tony Verdan’s youngest daughter. Although today is going to be a very hard day, I want to take this time to remember and honor the special memories I had with my dad.
My Dad was friendly to everyone he met. He could walk into a room where he didn’t know a person there, but he’d smile, warmly welcome and greet others, and had a charm in making others feel at home with him. His warmth and kindness are traits I wish to emulate, they’re some of things I loved most about my Dad.
When I was growing up, even though I was already in my 20’s working as a nurse, my Dad would still wait for me to get off night shift and drive me home. He would do that out of concern for me, to see me safely home. When I had my nursing exam in Richmond, he drove me all the way to Richmond and stayed with me despite it being a two-day test. My Dad went to church with my Mom and was literally there for the entire 3-hours of my exam.
When my Dad taught me how to drive, I know he was somewhat scared, but he didn’t show it. He taught me on the hardest street in DC, which was 16th Street. He thought it would be the best way for me to learn, so that I would be a better driver.
My Dad could be such a pushover. My Mom was the disciplinarian, so we went to my Dad to be saved. He was always so kind to us, slow to punish, and quick to spoil us.
Papa — you lived your life with devotion to family, appreciation for life, welcoming to everyone you met, and showed kindness to anyone who needed your help.
We will celebrate your life by living our lives to reflect how you lived yours; always smiling, kindhearted, welcoming to everyone we meet, with devotion and love to our family and friends.
Ken Foreman, working from home/kitchen (Thu 7-Apr-2022)
One of my Dad’s favorite sayings about me was “There goes Ken, off on another god-damn ‘Kenny Quest’.”
A “Kenny Quest” was when Tom believed I was going off half-cocked and obsessed about whatever was currently on my mind. I don’t think the phrase was ever meant as a compliment, but a derogatory phrase when he was frustrated or angry about whatever my current interest or obsession was.
Over time, I came to loathe the name “Kenny.” I no longer thought it “cute”, but I thought it was used as a diminutive and often meant as an insult. As a teenager and later as an adult, I came to adopt “Ken” as my common name and “Kenneth” as my full, legal, and formal name.
Many decades later, I continued my education, got multiple clearances, multiple technical certifications, and multiple technical licenses. I still never thought highly of the phrase “Kenny Quest,” or of people addressing me as “Kenny.”
As I was studying and practicing for my FCC Amateur Radio licenses last night, I was reminded of the phrase and wondering if Tom would say that I was off on another god-damn Kenny Quest again? I’m sure he honestly believed that I do many things impulsively and half-cocked, but as an adult, I’d now argue: “isn’t that how we begin all new things? Isn’t that how we learn, experiment, and grow?”
For all my Kenny Quests over the decades, I have a successful career, a full resume, an education, certifications, licenses, and many interesting hobbies that keep me engaged and my mind active. Many of my “Kenny Quests” have real-world applications for which people will talk with me, hire me, or ask me for technical support.
…so, with my latest “Kenny Quest” of setting the goals of getting two FCC Amateur Radio licenses within a month or two’s time, with the intent of building, owning, and operating a HAM radio rig, I am increasing my knowledge, experience, and value. Even if my Dad would have thought it foolish or impulsive, this is how a curious mind stays active, interested, engaged… and grows.
The phrase was originally meant as an insult. I no longer think of it as one.
So, this is our last weekend before Lent begins. Mardi Gras (“Fat Tuesday”) is this coming Tuesday, March 1st. Ash Wednesday is this coming Wednesday, March 2nd. This is our last weekend for Victoria to enjoy our “Farewell to the Feast.” 😆
For Lent, Victoria is devoting herself to mindful health and service to others. I’m focusing on mindful health and refocusing my time and energy.
With this Lent, I won’t be practicing complete abstinence from social media and the onslaught of news, but I certainly will be severely cutting it back. I’m planning on reading far more, gaming far more, practicing Intermittent Fasting (IF) where I only eat between 11 AM and 7 PM, and abstaining from chocolate and desserts.
By the end of Lent, I’m hoping to be happier and healthier, especially now that I’m resuming Physical Therapy for my lymphedema in addition to my Lenten practice of reading, gaming, and fasting.
I’m not accustomed to the concept of “Death Anniversaries.” It wasn’t something my family did as I was growing up.
I’m aware of other Lutherans and Hungarians honoring “Death Anniversaries”, but I never saw my Mom or Dad light a candle or say a prayer on the anniversary of a loved one.
Marrying into a Catholic Filipino family, it’s very common for us to pray for the soul of another. We attend wakes and funerals (or we did in the “before times”; pre-pandemic and pre-cancer), and we attend “death anniversaries.”
So as Vicky remembers her family today… I’m reminded that I completely forgot that February 8th was the passing of my grandfather. I know I fall short of his ideals. It’s hard to do the right thing and to remain steady with a strong moral compass. Social media isn’t exactly kind to ethical systems, and we live in a society that places self before others. I also know these are excuses, as he would tell me and remind me, and that we are all ultimately responsible for our own actions and our own consequences.
I was 13 years old, helping my grandfather as he worked as a porter stocking the shelves and taking inventory in a drug store in Ramsey, New Jersey. I was young, but people saw me as the splitting image of my grandfather: skinny, naive, and eager-to-please.
My favorite toys were Construx, Hot Wheels cars and toys, and Kenner Star Wars action figures.
I was helping my grandfather stock the aisles when of course we came upon the toy aisle of that little drug store. I would always linger when it came time to stock and inventory action figures or Matchbox cars. Matchbox were pretty and had better detail, but Hot Wheels were fast! I loved both.
I then found the beautiful bright orange-and-blue Hot Wheels Deluxe Car Wash set staring back at me. It was awesome! It used actual water and rotating brushes to wash the cars, just like a real car wash! It would spin-dry the cars before they rolled down the chute afterwards!
I asked my grandfather, begged “pretty please!” and he told me I already received a gift, that I already had toys, and that the Car Wash Set was a bit more expensive than anything we had planned.
I was dismayed. I was disappointed. But I loved and respected my grandfather more than any toy on the shelf or potential for gifts. When he said “No” to something, I understood and respected that as a finality.
So I went about my day. It was actually fairly busy, and the hours flew by. My favorite part of the day was stocking the paperback books at the front of the store. I never understood why “bodice-ripper romance” were so ridiculously popular. The covers were always ridiculous, chest-baring men with half-dressed women. Adults could be so weird! My favorite books were the science fiction and fantasy paperbacks by James Blish, Ray Bradbury, and Ursula K. Le Guin.
It was 5:30 PM after a long day, and my Pop-Pop and I were walking out to the car. He was carrying a large paper sack, but I thought nothing of it, probably white pill bottles with meds for him and Nana, or supplies for the house.
We both sat down in his pale blue Chevy Malibu, made hot and stuffy by its long day sitting in the sun. He set the paper bag down at my feet, put the keys in the ignition, started the car, and stopped.
“Ken, look in the bag.”
“Sure. Why?”
I bent over, pulled up the brown paper bag, looked inside, and pulled out a bright orange-and-blue box with the Hot Wheels logo emblazoned into the side. My eyes could not have grown bigger. My grin could not have grown wider.
“People do not respect that which they do not earn. When something comes easily to someone, they think everything will come easy to them. They think it is their right to have everything and anything, there for the taking. When you work for something, when you earn it, you respect it, you cherish it, you understand its value and what it took for you to get it.”
Pop-Pop was never lavish with his gifts. There was never an over-abundance of gifts underneath the Christmas tree. But each and every gift I received from him meant the world to me. I loved and wanted each gift he gave me. I knew what it meant and took for him to get them and to give them. He knew that I would respect and cherish each gift, to not readily discard anything given to me by hard work, effort, or given from the heart.
Yesterday I read that James told Richell “See you tomorrow!” as they parted ways for the day. This morning as I was biting into my bagel while Victoria left for work, she said the same. Seems that this long week and “pandemic time” means that a spouse leaves for work on Blursday and doesn’t return home until Soonsday.
It didn’t take Sachiko long to rebel against our “everyone stays quiet in their crate until fed” training. This morning she was most certainly acting up and throwing a tantrum. I warned Victoria that we’d have days like today where Sachiko regresses or acts out.
Toshirō has been deposed as Beta to Kiyomi’s Alpha as Sachiko tried pushing him out of his spot on the bed last night. Sachiko slept near the pillow at my head all night while Kiyomi slept by Vicky’s side and poor Toshiro slept on the floor.
As if our crate tantrum and Toshiro deposed weren’t enough, Sachiko decided to “pick a fight” with Kiyomi this morning and start wrestling her. Vicky grinned and hoped that Kiyomi would put Sachiko back in her place. I quietly watched. It looks like both our female Shelties are wrestling, playing, and trying to assert themselves over the other.
Sachiko backed down, Kiyomi has been sticking close to me this morning, and Toshiro is back to running Zoomies with Sachiko at an insane pace around the house.
Ken(speaking to Karen) – It didn’t take Sachiko long to rebel against our “everyone stays quiet in their crate until fed” training. This morning she was most certainly acting up and throwing a tantrum. I warned Victoria that we’d have days like today where Sachiko regresses or acts out.
Karen(speaking to Ken) – So, let’s use food here. It is not rebelling, it is more likely an extinction burst – it worked before, let’s try it again. Then they increase it in intensity to see if it will still work. If we give in, then we reinforce the behavior. Therefore, the behavior keeps going.
Behaviors that are reinforced as they happen are behaviors that are more likely to keep going.
So, pup starts barking when you are bringing food, stop and walk away. The moment pup stops barking, toss a little food. Then keep tossing food as you approach.
Sachiko barks, walk away.
Sachiko quiets, toss some food and head towards Sachiko.
Then I work towards asking my pup to be quiet a little longer each time as I bring food.
