When we are frustrated with ourselves, or with each other…
When we are angry with ourselves, or with our neighbor…
We don’t go burning down the house, no matter how immediately gratifying it may be.
Thomas Neal Foreman would never be my first choice for a role model, although he continues to shape my decisions to this day. If stories like “The Shack” and “Five People You Meet in Heaven” are true, I am certain that my father and I will meet again to resolve our unreconciled differences.
Kenneth Balogh Foreman would never be my first choice for a role model for others. I was the oldest of three sons, made more than my share of mistakes, was the loner and black sheep of my family. I attended college for two years, joined the US Air Force, tried to do the best I could with my own resources over the decades since. I did wrong by others, I did wrong by myself, and tried in various ways to set things right or atone for my mistakes.
A little over two years ago, I broke. I shattered. I got shitty news. Pretty much the shittiest news a person could get. My internal medicine doctor called us at home on a Sunday afternoon to apologize for the news he was about to give, and then told my wife and I that I have cancer.
The last two years have been the craziest roller coaster you could ever ride. Imagine doing loop-de-loops and hairpin turns until your hair fell out, you puked out your guts, and you shit yourself… now ride it for another year or two. Cancer and chemotherapy are kinda like that.
But for all my brokenness, the world around me was sane and fixed. The world around me was steadfast. I could grab hold of my family, our friends, our medical team, and know that the world was in a fixed position and I was the one who was spinning out of control.
And now, we all are the ones who are broken. It is not just me spinning looking for my magnetic north and hoping to settle there, we are all looking to stop spinning.
And this is weird, and this is bizarre, and this is heart-wrenching and heart-breaking. Who do you turn to for help when the helpers need help?
I don’t have an answer for this.