NOTE:
The text below was a posting from a good friend online who is struggling with the same issues about communication and divisiveness in social media that I am.Ā Below was his very well-spoken post online, and my reply.Ā I think these last few years between politics and the pandemic has strained many of us.Ā We need to learn to listen, compromise, and be respectful of each other again.
A few recent conversations have gotten me thinking on the importance and difficulty of communicating with friends. If you’ve interacted with me, it’s probably worth reading this, and I would truly appreciate a moment of your time. I’ll try to keep it brief.
I’ve been learning a lot of lessons about how tone can be misinterpreted, as well as the meaning behind the words. Sometimes the subject matter can also influence how one or both of those are received.
I’m not an expert on very many topics, but there are a few that I’ve put a great deal of effort into understanding. If I appear to be arguing with you, or pushing back on a specific subject, I hope that it’s clear that I do so because I have some knowledge on the subject, or that I believe that there are other angles to consider.
I haven’t always been that careful in the past. I’ve sometimes thoughtlessly shared a political meme, or made a wide-reaching comment. On some of those occasions friends have pushed back on me, and rightfully so. For the last few years I’ve been a lot more careful. I’ve had my slip-ups, sure, but I’m working on it. However, the point I really want to make, is that every time one of you has pushed back on me, whether I agreed or not, and whether I said anything at the time or not, I *did* listen. It’s made an impact. I’ve changed some of my ways of thinking and doing things as a result.
Posts that are inflammatory can be quite cathartic, but you never know who is watching and adjusting their opinion of you. Something that feels like common sense to you might be painfully offensive to someone else, for reasons you haven’t thought of. And while we’re all free to hold the opinions of our choosing, it’s not always clear which of your friends might have struggles you are unaware of, political leanings you aren’t aware of, or just simply know more about the subject than you do.
For these reasons, I won’t try to force my opinions on you (not that I ever did, and I apologize if it ever looked that way). If I’m arguing with you, it’s probably because I think one or both of us has incomplete or incorrect information, or is being emotionally reactionary. Sometimes it’s just about looking at an alternate viewpoint. Sometimes it’s to show that such alternative perspectives even exist. If we disagree, I don’t think any less of you, and I hope that you will show me the same consideration.
Social media has ironically had the impact of both bringing people together, and yet dividing them further. We create our own echo chambers, isolated cells of groupthink that reject external ideas. The only way to combat this is to communicate ideas. And the only way to succeed at that is to be able to have civil discourse without outright rejecting each other’s perspectives.
To that end, I’m renewing my effort to be clear, respectful, and interested in your ideas, even if we disagree. It’s all about civil conversation and understanding. Will you join me?
(As an aside– being in the middle-ground “politically homeless” category, I get to sometimes be at odds with all of my friends, depending on the subject!) š
Very well said!
Like others commented, I’ve been having similar struggles both in the workplace and with family/friends online. These past few years have been brutal between my struggle with cancer, political acrimony, the pandemic, and various social divisiveness.
Tone was already difficult to maintain in-person, particularly when people are passionate about their views, but it seems nearly impossible to convey tone and nuance online via Slack and social media.
I’ve been actively trying to “hold my tongue and taste my words before I spit them out”, I’ve also been trying to listen more and to hear all sides of a debate or conversation.
I hear you completely. I couldn’t agree more. I truly wish I could join your efforts and be as reasonable & measured in my consideration of others.