Ken Foreman 15:21
I try my best, A… I am not sure how many people see that, or understand that… but I genuinely try. I try to be there for others. I try to listen. I try to personally grow from my experiences and interactions with others. I try to better myself.
Cancer is already exhausting, and oncologists who don’t bother to educate, inform, or help their patients does me no service. I try to stay healthy enough to endure, to undergo the next treatment, all the while hoping and praying that whatever protocol or regimen can accomplish what earlier ones could not.
A 15:24
* nods *
Ken Foreman 15:25
I’m at the point now where any infection or fever can kill me in hours if left untreated. When I ran a 103.6’F fever, it was due to a blood infection, sepsis. The bacteria was common, found most everywhere, usually enters through the skin or mouth. Only because Vicky took me to ICU so quickly and they hospitalized me for a week while pumping me full of antibiotics am I still here right now.
We stopped my radiation and chemo because Seattle wants a “tabula rasa” (clean slate) when beginning their treatment. My last chemo was 3 weeks ago. My last radiation was a week ago. My tumors continue to grow. Several of which are paining me today in my thigh, groin, abdomen, and back. I stopped taking morphine during the day because it was interfering with my ability to stay coherent, to be present in the moment. I only take it at night to control pain so I can sleep.
Now Seattle tells us they want to postpone treatment until 12/23 or later due to staffing and holidays. Vicky and I nearly went ballistic. They got an earful from us both.
A 15:29
good grief.
if I had their number I’d be calling and giving them an earful myself.
Ken Foreman 15:31
I have months left. NIH was abundantly clear about that, and I can measurably and significantly follow it myself as I watch the edema in my left leg, then my right leg, and now my left arm. I tolerated my legs since it only impacted my walking, but edema in my hands and arms affects my mobility and ability to type, dress, brush teeth, and human basics.
A 15:32
yup.
Ken Foreman 15:34
I feel bad for P and M. I wish I could uphold my end of the bargain when they hired me. I feel terrible for my wife, Vicky. I am watching the toll it is taking on her. She does her best. Trying to work full-time and tend me, postponed her Masters by a semester because of this current ordeal, and now this shit with Seattle. I wanted to punch the wall or pull the trigger.
A 15:36
* hugs *
Ken Foreman 15:37
thanks. truly.
A 15:37
talking with you while you go through this ordeal has helped crystallize for me several notions I’ve had. I hope that when my time comes I am able to handle it the way you’ve handled yourself.
Ken Foreman 15:39
I hope when that time comes, so many decades from now, you handle it better and wiser. Mine was a lot of trial-and-error while trying to maintain my sense-of-self and my humanity.