My insomnia is reaching absurd new levels. No trite/simple answer is correct: no amount of exercise, rest, sleep, or caffeine is helping or hindering me. My only coffee yesterday was a triple-shot espresso at 9:30 AM and a medium-roast 10oz Keurig at 4:30 PM, but here I am awake again since 2:00 AM and it’s now 3:25 AM.
I’ve met with Behavioural Health thrice now since my cancer began. I’m planning to schedule another emergent visit for early next week. I’ll effectively tell Kaiser everything you’ve seen here: I can’t sleep, my mind is racing, my heart is pounding, and no amount of exercise, no-exercise, meds. no-meds, caffeine, no-caffeine, helps with my vacillating moods and middle-of-the-night awakeness.
I seriously considered setting a rule on our network routers to prevent social media access (Facebook, Twitter, Google, Amazon, etc) from midnight to 5:00 AM to keep me from going online or shopping when in a late-night angst.
You really don’t want to know what my darker thoughts are. I try to keep my gallows humor to myself, but there’s certainly times I wonder how much oxycodone or morphine it takes to stop breathing or to slow my heart enough that it stops me.
Cancer is a bitch, and Insomnia is her crazy half-sister.