These past four years have been indescribable. I could write things that happened, that I endured, that are true, and yet most people would not listen and would not understand. Even in hindsight, it’s hard for me to grasp and completely understand all that I have been through. It’s been over 3 years with 4 chemo protocols, low-dose whole-body radiation, targeted high-dose radiation, an allogeneic bone marrow transplant, and stem cell therapy.
It’s become “en vogue” to crap on people of faith, particularly Christianity. I completely understand why people do, and it’s not as if Christianity has an immaculate history or social standing to preach from.
What puzzles me is people’s hypocrisy, since they’ll respect Islam, Wicca, Paganism, Buddhism, Taoism, other religions, and ideologies but reserve their bile and ire for Catholicism or Christianity. I don’t see their logic or beliefs as any more superior or worthy of respect when they’re foaming at the mouth about one faith while adhering to another. They appear as hypocritical and irrational as the people they mock.
But what do I know?
These last few years have truly been a trial. My own flesh-and-blood family by birth was there for none of it. Neither my mother nor my brothers visited, sent anything, said anything, or donated bone marrow for my health and my survival. It was the generous gift of an anonymous donor that I am alive today. It was the care, love, and compassion of Vicky’s family and our mutual friends that saw me through.
And it was faith. My faithful friends will nod and agree. My cynical, atheistic, or “logical/rational” friends will shake their heads and credit everything from medical science alone to chance and happenstance.
But there were just too many odd and miraculous things these past few years. From the generous support of my co-workers going above and beyond to make it possible for me to spend nearly a year in several hospital (Virginia Hospital Center, Johns Hopkins, Seattle Cancer Care Alliance) to Vicky’s family supporting us when we needed to travel for my stem cell therapy to several “odd” (miraculous) things happening when both the National Institutes of Health (NIH) told me I had months to live and that I should put my affairs in order.
And again, lightning out of the blue?
Something happened again yesterday. I’m not going to say what or why. It’s not for anyone to know other than Vicky and I. Should cancer (or anything else) eventually claim me, perhaps it can be talked about over my funeral or as an odd aside after the fact?
Something which had no right happening and was completely unexpected happened just the same. Just a little reminder of all that we’ve been through together as a little family (Vicky and I) and that perhaps there is something greater than ourselves seeing to our survival?
I am still here even when others told me that I would not.
My bone marrow transplant may or may not have been ideal. Over three years of chemo and radiation may have taken its toll on my health and my bone marrow graft, but despite my immunocompromised health, I am able to live, to survive, to enjoy time together with my family, and to be thankful for all that we have together and all that we’ve been blessed with.
And I continue to see unexpected blessings, things that cannot or should not be, but nevertheless are. Some may believe me, some may think I’m irrational or delusional, but it won’t stop me from being thankful, from being grateful, and for having faith.
Together in Faith and Endurance as a patient at Johns Hopkins (Baltimore, MD)
Celebrating Mass, Giving Thanks, Praying for Strength to Endure…
